I have tons of work pending and I really shouldn't be here right now, but I feel a pressing need to blog about this. At least before I forget all about it.
These past few months have been pretty strange. I used to be have lots of weird, bad dreams. Dreams that don't quite make sense, many times about people chasing me and about end of the world, those that are slightly negative and make me wake up at the wrong side of the bed. I used to always tell Boon before we sleep that I wish and pray I won't have weird dream, again. But the past few months have been different. And strange, in a good way...?
Two nights ago, I dreamed of this:
Pregnancy Dream #1:
The dream starts with me waking up on a hospital bed. By the time I opened my eyes and registered what was happening at that point, I was already giving birth (...I know right who gives birth in the middle of a sleep). I was really puzzled as to why I didn't have any contractions, no pain at all, and the doctor and nurses were all yelling at me to push my baby out as though it was already at the final stage of my labour. With just a few pushes and some minor stomach cramp (somewhat like minor period cramps), I delivered my baby!
I was super overjoyed that I didn't go through much pain! I've heard of mothers who give birth without any pain (without pain killers/epidurals), and I thought hey, maybe I'm one of those lucky mamas! The nurses carried my baby and passed to me to hold. The vain me didn't even get to have a good look at my baby (and I didn't even know if it was a girl or boy), and was occupied with one thing: Why my hair so oily!!! How come I didn't wash my hair when I knew I was going to give birth already?? No wait, why was I sleeping halfway when I was giving birth!
Lots of questions and I was at a major state of confusion. I was pretty upset about my oily hair cos it only means that my oily hair will stay with me for another 30 more days til my confinement is over. I already couldn't take my oily hair then, how could I tahan for another 30 days! T-T I was gonna take a picture with my newborn but I was kinda reluctant and upset because my hair was in a bad shape. I didn't wanna have an ugly first picture with my baby.
And my dream ended, and I woke up.
What a dream!!! Why did it end at such a sad tone T-T And why didn't I even look at my baby's face and find out if it's a girl or boy! This definitely WILL NOT happen in real life, but I'm just so upset with my dream-self! T-T
This, my friends, was 1 of my maybe, 10 pregnancy dreams over the past few months. And no, as far as I'm aware, I'm not pregnant yet. We're not even really trying. Just letting things be naturally. But yeah, looking at the frequency of my pregnancy dreams, I think...my body/mind is trying to tell me that...I'm ready?
The truth is, I KNOW I'm ready. I want a baby. I really can't wait to have a baby. Whenever I look at babies in malls, in photos, etc, I used to think, awwww so cute! These days, I actually stare at them and start imagining them being my own kids. Siao liao. Really another level liao. It's amazing how I changed so much within just a few months. I still remember blogging about Why I'm Not Pregnant Yet in January this year, and was saying that I'll probably give myself this year to focus on my work, travel to places that I really wanna, and just enjoy our honeymoon time/building our marriage etc, but now, I'm actually telling Boon, you know what. Screw all that. Let's have a baby now. NOW.
But yeah, so far it's all just saying only la. I also don't know what's my decision and stand now. But one thing I know is that my desire to have a baby is way more now, and I can say that it's reached a level where I can actually call it intense. Hahahaha sounds so dramatic. Whenever I think about having a baby, something in me moves. My heart turns all warm and fuzzy, and I can feel my womb saying, I'm readdehhh lol. And these days, looking at my friends' babies on Instagram makes me happier than seeing people liking my own photos. I can literally stare at the photos for minutes, just admiring the babies' smiles, michelin man hands and legs, and replay their videos again and again. And I HAVE to show Boon and squeal even more when I replay those videos for him to see. And there's this force that makes me like each and every of these baby Instagram posts. It's like, I can't control myself anymore. I HAVE to like, if I don't I feel like something is wrong with me because, who wouldn't like that?! So must *like*, and many times comment too.
Oh another pregnancy dream that I had which I find pretty funny was this:
Pregnancy Dream #2:
My dream started with me entering in my hospital ward, and I was just sitting on my bed waiting for the nurses and doctor to come and examine me and my contractions. You know, usual checks before the labour. I was all ready in my hospital patient robe, and Boon was all ready beside me holding my hand, ready to cheer me on. We were both really nervous, he was 90% happy excited and 10% worried for me kinda nervous, while I was 10% happy excited, 90% scared kinda nervous. I remember telling Boon to please remind me to tell the doctor to get my epidurals ready. I want my epidurals.
After some wait, the doctor entered. He looked at me and said, "Why are you even here? You're not due until two weeks later. Please go home and come back again when you're ready to give birth."
I was like, "huhhhhhhhh...? oh..... :(" I felt really silly because I don't know why I was so certain that I was gonna give birth. After the doctor left, I realised that yeah, I didn't have any signs of labour! No contractions, no water bag bursting, no pain no nothing. So why was I in the hospital?
At that point, I felt so wasted. Like, all my anticipation suddenly just fell right to the bottom. I felt down. A part of me was selfish and wanted to see my baby soon, and I had a tiny idea that perhaps we could induce the baby for him/her to come out? But I immediately shut that idea but we could harm the baby by doing so, and the baby would come out in God's perfect timing.
So we packed our bags and went home. How sad!!! Hahahahah again, I never got to see my baby's face. Aih.
Oh but not all dreams were like that! I got to see my baby's face in one of my dreams before.
Pregnancy Dream #3:
It was a beautiful baby boy. He had big eyes, long eye lashes and he looked quite like me when I was a baby. Hahahah it's my dream I can dream whatever I want! I remember I was very happy because my baby was cute, smiley and healthy. And then I woke up, and realised that I didn't have a baby, and I wasn't even pregnant to begin with. Then I felt sad. But I moved on in life. I remember I dreamed this sometime beginning of the year.
Pregnancy Dream #4:
This dream is quite the ultimate.
I woke up from my sleep in my bed, and I started seeing my family members and in laws chattering and getting all pumped up about something. Everyone was very busy chatting among themselves, but my husband was no where to be found. And then I found him at a corner real busy, busy telling everyone the good news that I was pregnant!
I became very upset because firstly, instead of the movie-like scenario where the husband and wife would be all happy and joyous, throw their arms around each other and the husband twirls the wife around and then they celebrate the good news together, my husband told everyone else without my knowledge, and didn't even bother rejoicing with me first!
And secondly, I was very upset and confused because, how come everyone knew I was pregnant except for ME??! This one really siao liao!!! How is it even possible!
These are the pregnancy dreams that I can still remember, so I thought I better write them down before I forget them. Hahahah what is happening to me! T-T