The unexpected and unwanted happened- I fell sick on one of my busiest weeks.
Woke up this morning feeling fine, but after noon time I felt this weird, uncomfortable sensation on back as if I was having fever. And sure enough I was. Noooooooo :(
Went home after running errands and collapsed on the bed for a good three hours. Woke up cos I got sick of sleeping and stayed in bed for another hour before deciding to get up and spend some time with the sis, Gladys who was here to help prep for tomorrow's Chiq Fliq shoot, and the husby who just got back from work.
Stayed up for about an hour and couldn't take it anymore so went back to bed. Nestled on my bed and put myself in my most sleep-able sleeping position, eyes shut, and ready to fall asleep anytime, 'cept that I didn't manage to at all. The mind was actively wandering, going through my endless to-do-lists, brainstorming for upcoming Chiq Fliq campaigns for Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year, whom I should find to collaborate with the brand, all my pending blog and social media postings, all the emails unsent, projects unexplored, and so many others. Tried hard to shut my mind and just sleep, but my mind sure has a mind of its own and is apparently stronger than my flesh. So I got up after battling with my rebellious mind for an hour.
Many people including my parents and Boon always tell me that I'm too stressed up, about work mostly, but I don't feel so. I feel that I'm already taking things slow and easy compared to many other ambitious and aggressive entrepreneurs out there who are fighting to make it. I feel that I'm already considered very 'chill' and moving at a much slower pace compared to many. I'm leaving a lot of things to chances and don't force my way to make things happen.
I don't sacrifice my sleep for my work anymore, I sometimes skip lunch because I'm too lazy to go grab lunch but that's just occasional. Okay Boon might beg to differ, but it's not to a point that I don't eat at all. Perhaps it's just that I'm always working, whether physically doing things or mentally planning things. I never realised this until my parents and Boon pointed that out to me, and when I took more notice of myself, I realised that there's never a moment that I don't think mentally plan and think of work, whether in the car sitting on the passenger seat staring at the road ahead, or waiting for my turn at the bank.
People say that if we want to get pregnant, we gotta be more relaxed and be less stressed out because that could be a contributing factor of not being able to conceive. Boon and I are trying, though not religiously and strictly but just letting things happen naturally, and so far we're still a two-member family. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm too stressed out, that's why I'm having trouble conceiving. I mean, to me I'm not stressed out, but I might be too much of a workaholic to even realise that I AM stressed out. And maybe I've been so used to a hectic lifestyle, always on-the-go and working and juggling things since my schooling days that I've become accustomed and numb to this 'stress' and not realise that it's actually stress anymore. There are so many possibilities, and no one can actually tell me how stressed out I actually am, accurately. I wish there's a stress-o-meter to read my stress level so that I can take note and stay below hazardous levels haha!
As much as I want to be absolutely relaxed and have no stress in life, I can't. There are too much in my hands to just let go and turn a blind eye. In light of our recent economical state, I think it's only wise if we work our butts off and save as much money as we can, especially in this times.
Chiq Fliq is entering into a new season soon. We're hiring a new staff next month and moving into a new office in March. These are signs of growth and I'm proud of how it's moving forward. Though we could actually do much better, but I'm already grateful that with the amount of time and money I personally invested into the start-up which aren't as crazy as some with big investors backing some brands up, I'm glad that I'm seeing some fruits. Never started Chiq Fliq with the aim of earning big bucks. It was always and will always be a passion project, a start-up that gives me joy working on it, a label that brings in beautiful women's wear, a company that creates employment and a sense of purpose and belonging to those who work with me. With growth comes more work and responsibilities. It's just going to be busier and I'm only going to keep threading on unfamiliar grounds, but it's all going to be a great experience, I'm sure.
Well, at this point I guess the only thing to do is to let God move in my life. He knows me best. He made me, and He knows His plans for me.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11
I'm just gonna trust in You.
In the meantime, I'm gonna continue to do my best in every single thing. And maybe catch some more sleep.