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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Standing with Pride

I've always read of how parents would beam with pride at their children's achievements, and watched scenes in movies where parents tear watching their kid's concert performance or school graduation, and wondered how that would feel like. I mean, it should be quite easy to imagine the feelings of love and joy, but pride wasn't something that I could quite figure out how it'd feel.

I remember watching my younger sisters performing in church and their pre-school concerts and I would beam with pride, and wondered if sibling pride would feel the the same as parental pride?

Now that I'm a parent, I can finally answer those questions myself.
And the answer is no, it is not the same. 

From the moment Tyler was born, I've been proud of him- of who he is, his milestones, and even when he doesn't do anything at all.

A parent's pride is constant. I find myself feeling proud of Tyler all the time, 
in everything he does, and even in the nothing that he does.

However, over the past few weeks, I found myself beaming with pride more than ever. I've been training Tyler to stand holding onto the sides of his baby cot every morning, and then just two weeks ago he managed to pull himself up to stand, and started walking around the baby cot holding onto the sides. Just like that, he has become EVEN more mobile than he already is. 


Many times I just sat in front of him staring at him doing his thing- sit, pulls self up, stand, pushing the cot back and forth by hitting his chest onto the sides, squatting while holding onto the sides, falling backwards and pulling himself up again, and walking around like a big boy. 


Many times I find myself wanting to fully immerse myself in the moment that I just didn't want to get distracted with recording with my phone or sharing with the world over Snapchat/Instagram Stories. I just wanted that moment to be for me, locked in my memory forever. Because before I know it, he wouldn't be standing and walking assisted anymore. Before I know it, he wouldn't be toppling over anymore. Before I know it, he'll be walking around in his big boy shoes, running around in malls steadily like a toddler does. 


But in other times, I just wish to freeze the moment, and the only way to do it is by taking a quick picture of him in action. Over here, he was calling me "mama mama" asking me to carry him out from the playpen while I was standing there eating a siew pao in one hand, and texting on my phone in the other. My heart was melting at the sound of him calling me "mama", and the sight of him looking at me with his puppy eyes. I knew I just had to take a quick photo, lest I forget. Which I likely will since I've become so forgetful since pregnancy!


This was taken yesterday morning when I was having my lunch on the couch, and him just playing with balls by himself at the playpen, occasionally pulling himself up to stand and take a look at what I'm doing. 



These were taken this morning, when he was so, super excited to be awake. The moment he woke up, he was already happy. And the moment I put him to stand in the cot, he got even happier. It was then that I sat in front of him on my bed, just staring at him and watching him walking around the cot with much confidence. My baby is now walking around. Oh my goodness.


This was taken this afternoon when I was working on my phone. He would come around every other minute to catch my attention. This darling never fails to melt mama's heart.

Now that he can stand and walk (though assisted), it's becoming more and more real to me that my baby is growing up. This makes me not want to miss any moment at all. As much as I can I try to put my phone aside each time he's asking for my attention (unless it's to take a quick photo!). No work is important enough that I cannot take a few seconds off to take a look at him, sayang him, and say hi back.

Tyler, mommy loves you, 
and is unreasonably, unconditionally proud of you.
<3




love, mommy.
This post is filed under PersonalMotherhoodTyler Jay Ng
Timestamp: 8m13d

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