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Thursday, March 12, 2015

That Comfort Zone

It's one of those cheesy, TMI, PDA post again. 
You have been warned. Lol.

Feeling emotional as I speak type. Not a negative, mood swing kinda emotional, but a good, positive, happy kind.

I realised just how much Boon and I have grown as a couple, how we have grown to know each other so much, and how we have grown to be so comfortable with each other.

You must know that I'm not one who gets comfortable with people too easily, and yes, not even Boon. I've been a very careful person, and I'm very selective on who I allow to be in my circle, and you can also say that I'm very proper. I never like to be physically too close with guys who aren't my special half (then bf, now husband), I never flirt publicly nor privately with other guys, and I never led any guys on before. When I know you like me and I don't like you, I'll ignore your messages and avoid all points of contact possible, just to send the message across to tell you I'm not interested, and stop wasting your time on me. I hate it when girls lead guys on. I seriously hate it.

Since young, I've always been a girl with manners, saying thank you's, sorry's, excuse me's had been values long instilled in us since we were little by our parents. Living in a house full of girls, things like farting and burping out loud, and not forgetting digging nose in public have been huge no-no's. Our parents didn't have to teach us that they were rude and unsightly. We just knew it.

Boon on the other hand, being a guy he's VERY comfortable with himself. Everyone who knows him will know that he's very okay with farting in public, and has no problem letting you know that he is going to, or he has ALREADY farted. Since the days he went after me, he already had this silly habit of randomly blurting, "I want to fart", and people around him be like, "Ewwww don't you dare!", and he'll say, "Already did sorry". Man, thinking about it it's actually pretty funny. But because he's a guy and he's Boon, he's usually forgiven cos well, it's Boon. Boon and Farts are synonymous.

I used to be not okay with it. But after a while I accepted that Boon is being Boon and it's one of the reasons why I love him (not the farting part), him being unafraid to be himself. But that's Boon. For me, I still hold on to my principle that not farting and burping aloud in public is a form of manners and respect. Boon gets it, but he still didn't understand why I wouldn't do those in front of him. To him, he really didn't mind and he said it meant that I was truly comfortable with him. But, I just couldn't. For all our 8 years of courtship, I probably only accidentally farted in front of him once or twice. In 8 years. And those few times when it happened I was so embarrassed I wanted to hide myself in the ground, while he responded as if he hit the jackpot.

Careen: *accidentally let's out tiny audible fart*

*awkward silence*

Boon: Did you just...

Careen: *cuts in* Noooooooooooo~

Boon: You farted!!! *looking pleasantly surprised*

Careen: It was an accident I'm filled with gas!!!

This stayed the same until we got married, through our first, and then second year of marriage. Now that we have entered into our third year, things have slowly warmed up and starting to change.

And for some reason, I'm easily filled with gas these days. And also for some reason, I'm getting constipated so often these days!! So that means that there are lots of, you know, letting go of air involved that I can no longer afford to not fart in front of Boon anymore. Especially when we're with each other almost all the time, it has become inevitable that I fart in front of him. And he's really happy about it. He's weird.

And just a few days ago, he was plagued with some annoying, uncontrollable itch that had been bothering him for days. One night after hearing him complain I decided to use my ever-powerful cream that my doctor gave me some time ago and help him to apply it. The spot isn't a very, erm, conventional spot for itches. While I was in the act, he looked at me and said, "Wow I think we have grown to be very comfortable with each other", and it struck me that yeah, indeed we have.

I had no second thoughts about helping him with it cos all that was in my head was to rid the itch for him and to see him get well. Nothing gross, disgusting, and embarrassing came in my mind. My heart was just filled with love and wanting to see him well.

I often heard from people that couples when they are in a relationship for too long, they become too comfortable with each other for their own good, which slowly kills off the love and sparks in the relationship. I'm sure you've heard of it before too.

Maybe we haven't reached to a stage of comfort to the point of disregarding each other, but I do enjoy this comfort zone. We're able to be ourselves with no walls, no reservations, and we're able to accept each other fully with love. 

I think it's very romantic to be able to wear my old and dirty-looking sleeping tee, put my hair up in a hairband and bun, have my facial mask and nerdy glasses on while we watch Masterchef on TV. To me, it's comfort first at home, and since he likes the way I am just like that (all dressed down and gross), fine by me! I'm a happy girl! Haha.

It's a romantic feeling to know and be assured time and again that no matter how "at home" I dress, how "aunty" I look, and how "oily" my hair smells, he will still like it and love me as I am. Sure, he does tell me I smell funny sometimes, and I would frankly tell him if his breath smells too, but we'll laugh it out and then do something about it. But of course, I won't purposely be disgusting just to test his love for me la. I won't love myself too if I purposely do that haha!!

Actually I'm not sure what's my point in this post. I guess I just wanna say that I'm happy with where we've grown to be. Wholly accepting and loving without judgments and reservations. That, to me, is more romantic than 99 roses and a Tiffany necklace.

But actually, I really do not mind a Tiffany necklace. 
Okay I take back my words.

love, Careen.

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