Finally I have gathered enough guts to do this.
Finally I'm fed up enough to write all of these down.
Let me just say that this post is not random. It is not out of impulsion or anger, and totally not rash. I have thought about writing this post for the longest of time, make that 2 years, since I got married.
Before this, none of these questions ever got to me, and I used to think there were just useless questions people ask, or questions people genuinely wanted to ask out of concern. But after thinking it through and through for a long time now, I have concluded that there are just some things in life that should not be said, some questions in life that should not be asked.
"Did you gain weight?"
"Nope. Your eyeballs grew fatter."
I'm sure many of us have gotten this question thrown to our faces at least once. I don't know if this is an Asian culture thing but it's really just a dumb thing to ask.
You might say,
"Careen, relax. Maybe you didn't realise you gained weight so I just thought of doing a favour by enlightening you?"
Well, thanks for being thoughtful. But firstly, it is MY body. I live in it.
I look into the mirror every morning, afternoon, night and midnight, and examine my arms, thighs, butt and stomach each time. I step onto the weighing machine every single day. I wear my clothes on MY body and I would know if my jeans have gotten tighter.
What makes you think I wouldn't know if I gained weight?
What makes you think I would be oblivious if my body grew fatter?
And what makes you think you would know it better than ME?
"Well, I'm only asking out of concern. Don't be so sensitive, Careen."
I'm probably one of the least sensitive people around. I can take insensitive, offensive jokes and insults most of the time, because I'm good at ignoring stupidity. I never let them affect me for too long. Usually when people commented that I have gained weight, I would answer, "Yeah lo, haven't got time to work out", "Yea haven't really been controlling my diet", or "Yea lo gotten fatter since I got married."
If it's true, I would acknowledge it and I'm not gonna be all upset about it. But after getting this question thrown at me so many times by various people (usually males and aunties), I just couldn't help but to think WHY would anyone comment on anybody's body that way?
If you're saying you commented or asked me out of concern, tell me what's your concern when I have gained just a few kilos since my wedding, and when I'm still a Size S? What medical concern could you have about my size?
Saying you're asking out of concern is just pure excuse, because there's nothing to be concerned about. Go and be concerned about your own size and health. The irony is that most of these people who ask me if I gained weight are way fatter than me. Does it make you feel better to put others down? Is it so difficult for you to just keep your opinion to yourself and just say nothing? People (especially Asians) gotta learn to keep their opinions to themselves and learn to say nothing, really.
"Are you pregnant?"
Imaginary, truthful answer: "Are you stupid?"
Real life, politically correct answer: "Nola, I also wish that I'm pregnant! *laughs*"
This question is the bomb, I tell you. Me along with many of my married female friends get this a lot. Simply because we're already married, and we ALL put on weight after the wedding, even just a little. I don't know why we do but we just do. Maybe it's because we have aged, maybe it's because we're happy. I don't know, but that's besides the point.
It doesn't take a genius to know that asking this question would highly offend the woman if she isn't actually pregnant. But people still ask. They still do. They're too excited. They want me to have a baby so much. Even more than me!
And it's as if they're trying to be the FIRST to find out if I'm pregnant. As if I've been pregnant but it's top secret that no one should know. BUT. BUT they're so observant, sharp and genius, they CAN SEE that I'm pregnant! So they come up to me, sheepishly whisper in my ear and ask, "Are you pregnantttt?", and hopefully I'll say, "Oh my gosh, how did you know? We actually didn't want to tell anyone yet, but since you spotted it, yeah you're the first to know! We're pregnant!!"
Then when we announce it after we're ready, they can tell the whole world, "Actually I already knew cos I observed and spotted it first! You all couldn't see meh? I was the first to spot! I was the first person they told! I was the first to KNOW!!"
I know I may be sounding a tad dramatic, but I'm just pissed off. What makes you think that I would want to hide the fact that I'm pregnant, IF I'm pregnant?
I have announced it publicly on my blog and social media so many times that I love babies and can't wait to get pregnant. Do you think that I wouldn't be excited to announce it when I actually am? I would be the most excited, most happy person to quickly announce it to the world! You don't have to ask me. When I am pregnant, I will tell you. I will announce it on my blog and social media. It will be all over my newsfeed and Instagram. Even if you didn't know in the first few months, you will still finally know in the seventh, eighth or ninth month.
So don't worry.
Ranting on behalf of all my married, NOT PREGNANT friends.
Remember, when we're pregnant, we'll tell you. We WILL tell you :)