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Monday, April 8, 2013

Space for Sparks


So, we're back in the times when we would separate from each other due to work.

Back in the days, when people see me, usually the question isn't, 'Hey, how are you doin?', but, 'Hey, where's Boon? Is he offshore again?'. It became a conversation starter for so many people cos well, one thing's for sure- he is always travelling. So they can't go wrong by asking me that hahaha :') 

I don't blame them for always asking me too because his work is really unpredictable. At times, he would need to leave for 2-3 week within a day's notice. A DAY.

Well, somehow we managed to cope with the unpredictability and semi-long distance relationship (with loads of reassurance and effort to stay in touch, stay interested, and stay in love). In our 8-year relationship (this would be the 9th), as much as I hate to admit this, perhaps the thing that kept us so in love after all these years is the DISTANCE.


Sparks. 


They're there in the first few years of relationship. Because everything is fresh- the first dates, first presents, first surprises, first trips.  After that, it's hardly really there anymore, because you know each other so well already, you know what to expect from each other- what he'll say next, how he'll respond, where he'll bring you to eat, etc. 

Yes, you're still in love, but there isn't that love-struck, head-over-heels, heart-skips-a-beat feeling there as much anymore. Things tend to become a little of a routine. You sort of know what to expect on a date. He picks you up, go for dinner, then movie, then yumcha, then he sends you home.


New beginnings create new sparks. 


When we first got married 5 months ago, it was truly a new beginning. I would say it was even better than when we first got together. It was so fresh, so exciting. We moved into a new house we called our own, picked every single furniture together, we travelled everywhere together, and we're with each other all time time! We truly stuck together.


There's no need to say bye-bye and send me home at night anymore. Instead, now we say our goodnight's in bed. The first thing you wake up, you see each other. When we come home from work, we expect our other half to greet us the first thing we come in the door. During Chinese New Year, there's no need to go back to our respective hometown separately- we now go back together.

It's a real nice feeling. I would say that even at the 5th month, we're still in our honeymoon stage. People say you won't feel the strain in marriage until perhaps, the 2nd year onwards. So we'll see :)

However, it is also very easy to get too comfortable with each other. Some around us tell us that we no longer treat each other like lovers as before anymore, but like kins, family. We thought it was only normal that way cos aside from the 5 months of being a married couple, we've been dating for 8 years before that so yeah, nothing abnormal to treat each other like family. We took it as a good thing.

But slowly I realized that that treating each other like family alone takes away the sparks in a relationship/marriage. When you're too comfortable, you think it's okay to not make the effort to be nice, to dress nice, to look nice, to smell nice, to say nice things to each other, to surprise each other, and so on. You tend to think it's okay cos well, he's your husband, so he should accept your ALL, and vice versa.

True, we'll come to terms with it and accept ALL including the ugly, but that doesn't mean that we'll love what we accept. And that kills the attraction.

Sounds real sad now, doesn't it? Hahahah well, there's still hope. 
Because new beginnings create new sparks.

In a relationship/marriage (in my experience, that is), there has to ALWAYS be a new beginning. New beginnings come in many forms. When you just finished a huge fight and made up with each other, that's a new beginning. When you start a new phase in your careers, that's a new beginning. When you move into a new community with each other, that's a new beginning.

It's been almost 8 months plus that Boon hasn't travelled for work. By travel, I mean, staying away from KL for a prolonged period of time. In the past, he used to always need to travel offshore, and once he's there, it's for 2-3 weeks. Then he'll be back for 1-2 weeks, and he'll leave again. That went on for as long as I could remember.

Now, he's assigned to a project in Kuantan for a few months, and is able to come back only on certain weekend. Weekend means about 2 days. And those 2 days would be spent with our respective families cos everyone wants to get a piece of his time since he's frequently away now. Hahaha. So when it comes to going for dates, doing things together, we have to now make a point to. 

The good thing is, now that we're married and that I'm flexible with my work, I can follow him there whenever I'm free. Yes, whenever I'm free...but most of the time, I'm not. I can't exactly leave everything behind all the time. There are events to attend, meetings, work to sort out which I cannot settle while I'm away. Plus, it doesn't help when I stay at a beach resort at Kuantan. Every day feels like a vacation. So hard to function and get my work mojo on! :')

So we agreed that I should stay back for these few weeks. Things were all okay until yesterday night when the old feelings of dreaded misses came over me. Things aren't as cruel as last time anymore, at least if we wanna see each other, it's only a 3-hour drive away. But still, the fact that we've been together all the time within these 5 months made it extra difficult to be apart.


Told him that reality sunk in last night and that I really dreaded today to come, and he said said to me, 'You're only feeling it now? I've been dreading for it the entire week.'

Ngawwwwwwwww :')

Now that we're apart, we both have the space to fully concentrate on our work. I've turned into workaholic mode since this morning, and we're taking our year-end holidays as the motivation to work hard and earn money now so that we can splurge like a boss muahahahah.

Now that we're apart, we treasure the times we have together again...just like last time. Every day we get to spend together becomes precious. And we'll try our very best to make each other the happiest whenever we can.

Creating sparks out of everything we can think of.

I've come to accept this harsh reality. This really sucks but sometimes,
we really do need to be apart, create space for missing each other to regain the sparks we once lost.


4 comments:

  1. Hey! I hope you dont mind if i ask, I'm a new reader to your blog so I don't know if this has been previously mentioned before but I was wondering, what company does your husby work in? Something oil and gas related I presume? It's good that you two can still feel the sparks after so many years together, with the somewhat LDR you're having as well :) Just be sure to keep things exciting! :)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Sarah! Yes, you're right! He's working at an Oil & Gas company, thus all the travelling :) Thanks for dropping by!

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  2. Totally agreed with you babe! ♥

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