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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Marriage Discoveries: Part One

Remember my entry about What's in the First Month of Marriage?

Well, time sure flies real fast, as I'm now sitting here sharing about what I've come to learn and discover about being married after 3 months. 3 months in just a few days on Feb 3 :)

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be some marriage/relationship expert sharing my expertise. Just thought of walking my readers through my journey in life, and hopefully through my experience, you'd be able to discover some stuff that could help you in any way at all :) I'll be updating this Marriage Discoveries series from time to time!

So, here are some of the stuff that has happened in 3 months of marriage:

#1: We have gained weight.

This was taken a week before the wedding during our ROM.

This was taken....2 days ago T.T

Boon said he lost 8kgs altogether for the wedding, and gained back 6 after the wedding, before 2012 ended. So technically he lost 2kgs the whole year which he is still very proud of. 

As for me, I'd always been around 44-45kg. I'm now a few kgs heavier. For me, I don't gain weight, weight. But I put on flabs and fats that are visible but don't necessarily transfer to weight.

Look at my cheeks and arms. Hmmm.

Reason for our weight gain is none other than us eating without control. 
Hahahaha. Quite simple right...

We feel pretty much similar to prisoners being set free after being in captive for a long period of time. Prior to the wedding, we controlled ourselves from our favorite fatty foods which was depressing but we knew we HAD TO. I kept telling myself that the last thing we want is to look back at our wedding pics and slap ourselves wonder why we didn't make any effort to lose weight. Thank God we looked slim enough for the wedding ahhaahah :P

After the wedding, we felt so liberated that we just started to rebel against any forces that tried to stop us from eating and snacking. It's the best feeling ever.

BUT, it has to stop. Especially before CNY because all the aunty uncle will have the time of their lives comparing how slim we were at the wedding and how fat we are now. We shall withhold that pleasure from them so we will make sure we look good for CNY. We shall gain weight again after CNY :P

#2: To never leave 

In the past, whenever we have arguments with each other, there are a few things we could do.

If we're on the phone, we could slam the phone, not pick up, not reply messages, etc. If we're arguing in person, we could return to our respective homes and continue fuming/let things cool.

But now, we both live in the same house. There's no phone to slam, no other home to return to. 

This is the time that we both have to learn to disagree/argue responsibly. It's time we moved on from childish acts like slamming the phone, and walking away in the middle of an argument. It just can't be done anymore. So what do we do now that all these "tantrum acts" can't be used?

I've learned that no matter what happens, never emotional blackmail by walking away, playing MIA, cry to get sympathy, or even scream at each other. No matter how upset or angry you are, don't say words that hurt, that you might regret. The best thing to do is really to just stay silent until you know what to say.

It's really challenging to stay calm and logical in the midst of a bad argument. Your common sense and natural reflexes tell you to do something dramatic to scare/threaten your partner. But we have both arrived at a stage where there's no turning back, and we've made vows to never leave and to never forsake, and we want to keep those vows.

Walking away will only create more scars in a relationship, that if accumulated could turn into a huge mess. Emotional blackmails like crying and suicide are for the silly, because after so long of being together, do you think your partner wouldn't know it's just yet another act? 

These things would numb your partner, and the last thing you want is when he/she doesn't feel a thing when you cry/leave/attempt suicide anymore. That's when you know that the love is no longer present, or rather, buried by all the hurt.

The few days of being in cold war are some of the worst days of my life. Having to live to together, sleep on the same bed, see each other all day, every day, and being treated so differently from the times when there is no argument.

But, I guess it's a part and parcel of marriage, of life. That we ought to love even when it isn't easy. To choose to react the right way, say the right things, and constantly battle with thoughts that could destroy the relationship.

Nobody said keeping our vows was easy. But after we come out of the argument, and realised that we handled everything maturely, it reassures us that we are truly serious about each other, and that we love each other more than wanting to satisfy our own selfish desires.

#3: A good bed is very important

Ending the post with a more light-hearted note. We have come to truly love and appreciate our bed. No, not for those reasons. But purely for the fact that a good bed means good sleep. And sometimes, oversleep. Hahaha.

Before the wedding, we went on a search, high and low for a good and comfortable bed at reasonable prices. We went everywhere, you name it. Ikea, MFOs (Matress Factory Outlets), all the furniture shops along LDP highway, Puchong, etc etc etc.

We lied down on so many beds that it became tiring to go on searching, until one fine day when we were not actually looking, we passed by Getha in 1 Utama, and decided to give it a try.

The moment we entered Getha, there was just this sense of comfort in the outlet. Probably it's the scent of the freshener, the music at the background, or maybe it's just the way they make us feel comfortable. The service there was so good. Their sales assistants were very knowledgeable and they don't try to hard sell at all.

We felt so at home that I could even do this. Hehe

As usual, Boon would be the one talking to them about all the specs and features, materials used, and all the technical stuff, while I'll be the bed-tester because ultimately I'll be the one who decides :D

But, we had a problem. Boon prefers harder beds while I prefer the softest, fluffiest ones that feel like clouds (although I don't know how clouds feel like). So we had to come to a compromise, and thankfully we found one that was agreeable to us both there.

Their beds are simple in design which suits our minimalist style at home. And they cushion the bed frames and everything so there wouldn't be any chance of me knocking onto anything :P

Every purchase of bed comes with 2 free pillows and a bolster (which obviously belongs to me heheheh). We got to pick our own pillows, which we love until today. All of their beds and pillows are made of pure latex. Super solid.

They didn't even bother when I started to camho on bed. Hahaha so hard to leave the of these days, you should just go try out their beds for fun. It sucks you in like a vacuum.  

Without much hesitation, we decided on our bed and scheduled for delivery. It's free delivery and assembling too. All in all, they have really good service. 

Back then when my hair was longgggggg.

So for the first time ever, let me present to you the reason we oversleep!

It's so comfortable that the moment I sat on it, my body feels happy. It's those kinda feeling when your skin feels something soft and comfy, and you immediately settle in. Especially so after a long, tiring day. This is also why I find it soooooo hard to get outta bed :P

No complaints at all so far, and if you're looking for a good bed, try Getha. It's not too expensive too if I'm not mistaken...ours was around RM3-4k all in :)

So yeah, these are the 3 things in the 3 months of marriage that I have come to learn and discover.

More to come ;)

love, careen


  1. Nice one careen ! You had move to adulthood :) . Agree on when we stay together, no matter how cold the war, we still on the same bed. And great bed is really performs 'vacuum' effect. Our bed is like total of 5k and I get up late everyday ! Before, I sleep at 12 am. Now 10pm I will jump up and just lepak there. Best . ..

    1. Hahahah yeah! The vacuum effect! Thanks for reading! :)

  2. I'm so happy to know that boon is treating you right :)

  3. Hi careen,
    Would like to know in the end which series you both picked? Coz I prefer soft n hubby prefer hard too. Very hard to decide.


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