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Sunday, January 25, 2009

smoke gets in my eyes

omgosh the smoke from my gramma's altar is blinding me!!!! this happens every CNY eve. i'm actually typing these with my eyes closed!

kidding :)

have been in snoozing mode lately. i don't even know what to write when i open my 'new post' window, don't even know what to do when i stand in front of the mirror, thinking i've got my dance choreos all figured out.

let me tell you what i've been up to since i've arrived in my dad's hometown- Malacca.

Day 1 (Thursday):
reached around 8 something. ate a bit. watched tv a bit. ate again. went online. played sims. bed exercised and stretched. talked on the phone. tossed and turned on bed. pillow-talked with sisters. dozed off.

Day 2 (Friday):woke up around noon. showered. time for lunch. watched tv. napped. went to dad's old church's CNY service. went for supper, didn't eat much. came home, ate a lot. watched tv. played sims. talked on the phone. bed-exercised and stretched. tossed and turned on bed. dozed off.

Day 3 (Saturday):
woke up at noon. showered. time for lunch. went online. supposed to go shopping but decided to stay back to figure out my dance choreos. watched tv. couldn't connect to internet so can't watch dance videos online. played sims. after hours, finally could connect so watched videos. dinner. watched tv. watched videos again. talked on the phone. bed-exercised and stretched. tossed and turned on bed. dozed off.

Day 4 (Sunday):
woke up at 10something (finally). breakfast. went online. helped to prepare reunion lunch. had reunion lunch. helped gramma with decos and stuff. tired and headache. snacked on oranges and cookies. watched tv. dinner. watched tv. went online, which is now.

see how boring the past 3 and a half days of my life has been? :(
probably the Chinese New Year fun has yet to begin? *crosses fingers*

i think the only productive things i've managed to do are:
1. spend time with gramma
2. disciplined myself to exercise and get in shape! *claps for myself for a good 1 hour*
3. watched vids and got some ideas (if that is called productive) *sniffs

i think the more i watch those dance videos, the most inferior and intimidated i feel. i do feel inspired and more motivated to better myself though. that's why i'd been workin out!
i my legs :D

and when i blog, i don't know what to write and what to say. i don't wanna just write some super random post and just blog for the sake of blogging. i believe my readers can tell if i'm truly wanting to write a post, or just trying to fulfill my responsibility as a good blogger, that is- to update. and that is why yours truly is pouring her frustrations right here in this domain :(

maybe i've been too chillaxed these days that my mind is also not really active.
hahahaha no no no....
i thought CNY cookies could make me happier,
but last year's CNY cookies were much nicer,
and my favourites are not here this time around.
i thought CNY reunion lunch could make me happier,
but again, last year's CNY reunion lunch was nicer, and this time around, daddy's on a less-salt campaign, so the food were less appetizing.
it was great nonetheless, maybe i'm just a hard to please glutton. huhu :(
i thought CNY shopping could make me happier,
but this year, i cut down loads on shopping to save for building fund.
so the marginal utility/utiliti sut is less. and it leaves me feeling disatisfied.

i thought. yes i did. maybe i really do expect too much. but then again, what's life without it's expectations?
like just the other day, i was discussing with Boon on expectations in relationships.

i remember he told me once that a friend of his told him that her relationship with her bf is different- that is, they don't expect from each other.
according to her, where there's no expectation, there's no disappointments, and gradually no arguements, and then no unhappiness in a relationship.

sounds great at first. imagine that, the secret remedy to no arguement and quarrels in a relationship- don't expect, and be happy with your partner and your relationship!

but, think about it for a sec.
if there's no expectations in a relationship,
that also means that there will be no accountability and responsibilty.

for example, the gf does not expect her bf to call her if he's gonna be late to pick her up for a date. and when the bf is late and doesn't call, she waits for 6 hours before he calls and says he forgot and overslept. she can't do anything about it. she can't be upset about it. why? because from the start of the relationship, they've already agreed to not expect anything from each other.

another example. the wife does not expect her husband to provide for the family. and when the husband happens to not work and provide for the family, it's okay. because she does not expect him to provide, put food on the table, and a shelter for the family. same goes to the husband. he does not expect her wife to work as well, or to take care or educate the kids. so when they have no house to live in, no food to eat, kids who are illiterate and with bad behaviour, and they camp in at the neighbourhood pondok until someone decides to donate some money to them. but it's all okay...because they don't expect anything from each other ma..

i don't know how true it is, and to what extend. but in my conviction and opinion,
where there is no expectations, there is no hope.
where there is no expectations, there is no accountability..
and eventually, loss of responsibility as well.

anyway, why are we even at this topic? hahah. ooo it's 12.21am,

now my sisters are dancing around in the living room watching Channel 509 on Astro.
you know, the China countdown one? nevermind... :/

Pig out, Work out!Love u guys! Have fun!! ;)
love, careen.

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